I dearly hope Heath Slater wins the battle royal, tries to pick up the Andre trophy and somehow gets pinned by it.
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Okay, on with the Smackdown…
Worst: Peaking At The Right Time
The “roll” Dolph Ziggler is currently on is, somehow, actually sadder than the months of crushing losses he preceded it with. I mean, there’s something noble about aiming high and falling short, but celebrating like you’d just won the World Cup of Supermodel Sexing when you just pinned Damien Sandow and gesticulating wildly at the Wrestlemania sign when you’re in the pre-show battle royal is a farce.
Also, no JBL, Ziggler is not peaking. Peaking implies you’re at the top, the zenith, of your career, and Dolph Ziggler won a World Title. Two of them I think! I mean, hell, he didn’t beat Sandow via a drum to the face, so this isn’t even the peak of Dolph’s last six months.
Worst: A Master Class In Wasting My Time
This was pretty much the platonic ideal of a time wasting segment. Kane comes out, shows a lengthy clip, each and every one of you’d the audience for a while, then read a letter from Triple H that stated literally nothing. Whenever I start feeling a little sorry for the WWE writers and production team having to put together 30 hours of television a week, I think of segments like these and don’t feel so bad. Thankfully our man Kane would redeem himself in a big way later in the show.
Best: Booking By Alliteration
Fandango and Fernando were just booked against each other because their names sound sort of the same, right? There’s no other possible reason for these two to be fighting. And hey, I’m fine with that — I encourage more booking based on people having similar letters in their name. I’m legitimately not sure who would win between Camacho and Cameron and I’m sure Curtis Axel and Curt Hawkins would be a uh, hmmm…okay, I guess this can only be taken so far.
Fandango/Fernando wasn’t just delightfully random, the match itself was pretty fun too. Has Torito always had tiny Giant Gonzalez muscles painted on his outfit? Maybe the white outfit just makes them more noticeable. Thankfully Torito hasn’t hit little bull person puberty yet and thus far lacks the uh, crotch fur. Torito being attracted to Summer’s red dress was also pretty clever (and a more adult treatment of human sexuality than the Santino/Emma segment that came later).