Has anyone watched Bloodsport lately? I caught it on Showtime at around 3 in the morning this weekend and I gotta say, the thing holds up. The story, the directing, the Forest Whitaker-ing …pretty much just 10s across the board, really.
Well, except for Chong Li.
What? Don’t give me that look. Chong Li SUCKS. Both as a mega boss and a fighter, but especially the latter. The only thing more preposterous than Frank Dux’s claims that the Bloodsport is based on real life events that totally happened is the idea that Chong Li could EVER make it to the finals in said fictional recreation of said actual (but probably also fictional) tournament.
Chong Li would have no business competing in the Kumite, because Chong Li wouldn’t be able to hold his own in a cybergoth dance party. He is Frank Dux’s delusion personified; a glorified can crusher that wouldn’t last a round in even the lowest-level dive bar MMA circuit. Hell, Kevin James’ character in Here Comes the Boom would have melted Chong Li inside of five minutes, and any fight fan who’s seen Bloodsport knows this to be true.
Don’t believe me? Let’s go to the tape.