Professional sports injuries are never fun unless they involve Joe Theismann, and that’s why it was painful to watch the replay of Cleveland Indians top catching prospect Carlos Santana have his leg smashed to smithereens in a home plate collision last night against the Boston Red Sox. This marks the worst thing to happen to someone named Carlos Santana since Chad Kroeger.
Santana was carted off the field after his collision with Red Sox outfielder Ryan Kalish, but in case you’re wondering about his fantasy baseball value, don’t worry. USA Today’s Steve Gardner says that you should just walk it off, p*ssy.
Take it away, Captain Sensitive:
Although the injury looked disastrous when it happened — and I admit, I was close to making a move in my daily league right after I saw the video — don’t drop Santana until the test results are known.
In fairness to Kavish, Santana left his leg hanging out there, blocking the plate. Technically, that’s not allowed, if you’re one of these d*cks who’s all into rules and whatnot. And wait for about the :51 second mark. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s his whole foot there.
I guess the lesson here is that you should never record a song with Rob Thomas. Meanwhile, whatever happened to Michelle Branch? She was kinda hot until that senior citizen knocked her up. Wait, were we talking about sports?