Last week, the Hollywood Reporter posted an in-depth breakdown of Los Angeles Lakers celebrity fans and where they sit at games. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a blogger who uses MS Paint to draw body fluids on faces to know that a lot of famous people attend Lakers games. From Jack Nicholson and that guy who looks like Donald Sutherland but is really the dad of Cisco Adler to David Arquette’s crazy ass and Khloe Kardashian’s custom park bench, Lakers games are a veritable Who’s Who of Hey Look, Those Guys Pretend To Like Basketball.
So that got me thinking, “Hey Burnsy, you’re ridiculously intelligent, who are some of the famous fans of the other 29 teams in the NBA and where do they sit at their respective teams’ games?” And so I had sex with a few Victoria’s Secret models and then I got started on this incredibly detailed list and graphics to back it all up. And yes, it’s in slideshow format, because Adriana Lima told me she would leave Marko Jaric for me if I made a slideshow… DEAL. WITH. IT.
Super impressive, Lakers. But some of these other teams are pretty stacked, too.
Included: Donnie Wahlberg, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Mike O’Malley, Ellen Pompeo, Jimmy Fallon in the playoffs, Tom Brady, Dane Cook, John Cena
Included: Will Smith, Kevin Bacon, Danny Bonaduce, Bill Cosby, Kate Gosselin, Joey Lawrence, M. Night Shyamalan (he surprises fans by going to the bathroom every two minutes)
Included: Zach Galifiniakis, Gallagher, Matt and Jeff Hardy, Skeet Ulrich, Reginald Vel Johnson, Clay Aiken
Not Pictured: Michael Jordan’s bookie
Included: Lenny, Squiggy, Prince Fielder, a Liberace impersonator, Tom Snyder, Heather Graham, Ernest Borgnine, Willem Dafoe, the MGD delivery guy
Included: Oprah, Obama, Kathy Griffin, John Cusack, Terrence Howard, Richard Marx, Bill Murray, Pat Sajak, Mr. T
Included: Drew Carey, Halle Berry, Arsenio Hall, Steve Harvey, David Allan Coe, Trent Reznor, This Empty Seat, a guy with a paper bag head
Included: Bill Simmons, The Sports Gal dressed as Wes Welker, Suri Cruise, Jean Claude Van Damme, Mickey Rourke, Meg Ryan, Colin Hanks, Channing Tatum
Included: Jermaine Dupri, Ludacris, Ted Turner, Alan Jackson, Little Richard, Raven, Tyler Perry, Kenan Thompson
Included: Lil Wayne, Gloria Estefan, Some guy who paid $500,000 to go to LeBron’s birthday party, a Jewish grandmother, Castro, Jimmy Buffett, Enrique Iglesias, Christian Audigier
Included: Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Sean Penn’s shotgun, Emeril Lagasse, John Goodman, Carl Weathers,
James Carville
Included: Roseanne, Wilford Brimley, Donny Osmond, Robert Redford, Snow, Stephanie Meyer, Jesus
Included: Tara Reid, Joe Francis, Jon Gosselin, Brody Jenner, Lorenzo Lamas, Spencer Pratt, Paris Hilton, a box of Massengil
Included: Spike Lee, Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld, Broadway seat fillers, Amar’e’s rabbi, Diddy, Barbara Streisand, Eddy Curry’s dinner
Included: Burnsy, Anthony Anderson, Chris Kirkpatrick, Tiger Woods, a Perkins waitress, Lou Pearlman, Lobster Dog, Carrot Top
Included: Larry Hagman, the rich Texan from the Simpsons, Angie Harmon, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Woody Harrelson, a horse
Included: Jay Z, Beyonce, Vladimir Putin, Snooki, Bon Jovi, Kevin Smith, Zach Braff, J-Woww’s boobs
Included: Dog the Bounty Hunter, Karl Rove, The Fray, Jan Michael Vincent, Kip Winger, Don Cheadle, Michael Winslow, Matt Stone
Included: This tractor, a prized pig, David Letterman, Brendan Fraser, Jim Gaffigan, LaToya Jackson, David Lee Roth
Included: Eminem, Kid Rock, an unsold Ford Fiesta, Elizabeth Berkley, Tom Sizemore, Alice Cooper, Aretha Franklin, Tim Allen, Jared Fogle
Included: A Moose, Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, the Queen, Bret the Hitman Hart, Avril Lavigne, Geddy Lee, Pam Anderson
Included: Clint Black, Randy Quaid, Booker T, Renee Zellweger, ZZ Top, Joel Osteen, George W. Bush
Included: Lara Flynn Boyle, Eva Longoria’s attorney, Jackie Earle Haley, Tommy Lee Jones, Oliver North, Michelle Rodriguez, Peter Weller
Included: George Lopez, Carlos Mencia, Ted Danson, David Spade, Emma Stone, Wayne Newton, Stevie Nicks, Meghan McCain
Included: Garth Brooks, Toby Keith, Clint Howard, Dr. Phil, Carrie Underwood, Gary Busey, Porn Star Stacy Valentine, Miley Cyrus
Included: Prince, Louie Anderson, Bob Dylan, Ric Flair, Al Franken, Josh Hartnett, Craig Kilborn, Bobby McFerrin, Steve Zahn
Included: A hippie, a guy who looks like Robert Pattison, Sam Elliott, Tonya Harding, Phil Knight, Lisa Rinna, Sally Struthers
Included: Kato Kaelin, Todd Bridges, Lindsay Lohan, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Nancy Pelosi, A pelican
Included: Stephen Colbert, Tommy Davidson, Goldie Hawn, Katherine Heigl, Samuel L. Jackson, Henry Rollins, Rip Taylor, Connie Chung
(Also, you may notice that there wasn’t a graphic for the Memphis Grizzlies. That is because they have no fans.)
