Okay so he didn’t save a bunch of crying babies or priceless antique China or anything, but since his body’s worth millions of dollars shouldn’t saving himself from a fiery death be some sort of accomplishment? Charles Woodson was partying with 17 other people to celebrate the fact that Ted and Jane Von Voigtlander (will you guys adopt me please?) donated $15 million to a women’s hospital when the freakin’ place burned to the ground. Nobody was hurt, including that burning flying cat I put in the picture. If you were wondering, that’s all imaginary. I am pretty sure Charles Woodson does not walk around in his full Packers garb in day-to-day life.
Of course, the women’s hospital donation brings up an interesting question: if a dying man crawls breathless to the entrance of it will he get turned away? My guess is probably, because that’s how feminism works.
According to the director of the Petoskey Department of Public Safety, the fire department received a call around 4:43 a.m. Friday morning to check on a fire alarm that was going off in the home, located at 6774 N. Preserve Drive, which is at the western end of the luxury resort community.
Acoording to sources, Charles Woodson and his business partner, Rick Ruiz, were in the home and reportedly smelled smoke around 4 a.m., but couldn’t find the source.
11 people were reportedly staying at the residence at the time the fire broke out, however, the night before, the owners had been entertaining nearly 150 people. -WTMJ
Maybe the party was extremely lame and the hosts wanted to spice things up a little. What’s more fun than dodging fiery beams of your multi-million dollar house as they collapse around you? Plus I bet everybody’d pull off some really cool dance moves if flames are licking their trousers. Throwing a great party is all about adapting to your surroundings, and sometimes the surroundings dictate that you burn the place to the ground, though this gameplan is usually thought of by death row inmates in maximum security prisons. Though at times, doesn’t life feel like one? Sorry to get all philosophical on you guys. In return I will present to you an idiot child lighting his pants on fire.