Five seconds. That's how long this video lasts. I spend all day jonesing for a video of a skateboarder taking a skateboard to the nuts, and all I get is five seconds. Where's the intro? Where's the slow-motion replay? Where's the slow-motion replay… set to the Chariots of Fire theme? My friends, where is the art? I've said it before and I'll say it again: other people's pain and humiliation should be mulled over and savored slowly, like the perfect steak, or fine wine, or midget clown porn.