Cubs Fans Were Herded Like Cattle As They Stampeded The Streets For The World Series Parade

11.04.16 4 weeks ago

The Chicago Cubs World Series celebration parade is on Friday. It’s going to be a mess. Property will be damaged. Someone will vomit on the street. A century’s worth of angst will be unleashed on municipal workers in ways we can’t even comprehend. That’s the Chicago Way.

Just look at these people running through an opening fence and into a waiting area like cattle. Temple Grandin has to be cringing. And it’s all to watch a parade, a thing that has no business existing in 2016. You’re telling me new delivery systems for content are causing a drop in television ratings but millions of people will call out of work to wave to a stranger on a slow-moving conveyance? Parades were invented to distract people from the polio epidemic. I can’t prove that but it feels right.

My favorite part of the video is after the cattle choose their lanes and speed toward what I’m guessing are people regretting ever choosing their current jobs. You can taste their dread. Thousands of tons of deranged humans storming at them and the only thing that can prevent them from being crushed under the weight of the mob is decorum. And it’s all for a Chicago parade that doesn’t even involve Ferris Bueller lip synching “Twist and Shout.”

(NBC Chicago)

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