Coldplay, perhaps the musical embodiment of the term “milquetoast,” have been tabbed to be the official halftime entertainment of Super Bowl 50 (also known as The One Without Roman Numerals, if it were a Friends episode) in February. Coldplay are neither a classic band like The Who or the Rolling Stones, nor a hot younger artist like Katy Perry. Needless to say, their selection infuriated pretty much everybody.
I hope Left Shark eats Chris Martin.
— Jack Kogod (@Unsilent) December 3, 2015
https://twitter.com/drewmagary/status/672511567792095234
The one good thing you can say about the Coldplay choice is that they allow everyone to hurl their best insults with impunity. They’re wildly rich, white males whose relevance peaked a decade ago, perhaps more, and never extended beyond benign acceptance anyway. (Who’s next? Owl City?) Nobody but diehard Coldplay fans (anybody?) cries for Coldplay.
"shhh! shhh! everyone! coldplay's on!" that ought to go over well at the super bowl party.
— Jason Gay (@jasongay) December 3, 2015
If he ain't with Gwyneth Paltrow he don't mean nothing to me.
— Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) December 3, 2015
There were also a few Gwyneth-based jokes out there, but this pretty much covers the important part.
https://twitter.com/ohholybutt/status/672511753071251456
:Coldplay starts Fix You:
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed"
:Goodell comes out and tears up NFL Appeal of Berman Ruling:
— JEFF (@jeffisrael25) December 3, 2015
The Super Bowl halftime show should just be a 20-minute video of Rob Ryan driving a pickup truck through a public library, blasting ZZ Top.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) December 3, 2015
one time i thought i had a strong opinion about coldplay but it ended up just being a fart
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) December 3, 2015
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/672513879197523968
🎵Look at the stars, look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah they were all yellow🎵 pic.twitter.com/sfg19dnfiU— Big Cat Country (@BigCatCountry) December 3, 2015
https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub/status/672513530810232832
A Rush Of CTE To The Head.
— Mangy Carl (@MrButterChicken) December 3, 2015
Those are all good and clever burns on Coldplay, but they’re from good and clever people. There are tons of folks out there without the wherewithal to put together a sick zinger, but are still upset that Coldplay were picked above many, MANY more deserving candidates (even Diarrhea Planet — actually a really good band, but come on — would have garnered a more positive reaction). This is the (fake) story of one of them.
"COLDPLAY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FOOTBALL *IS*! THEY CALL IT SOCCER OVER THERE!"
"Sir, do you have an actual emergency you're calling for?"
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) December 3, 2015
Anyway, good job Roger Goodell, you never fail to draw the witty ire of NFL fans on Twitter.
