Mariners centerfielder Ichiro has a long and glorious history of quotes that may or may not make sense in his native Japanese but sound awesomely ridiculous in English (with this one being the all-time best), and he waited all of about 20 seconds after arriving to spring training to add to his legend.
In case you haven't paid attention to offseason moves, the M's sacrificed a huge chunk of their future in a vain attempt to compete with the Angels this year when they traded gold-star prospect (and excellent source of outfield defense) Adam Jones and others to the Orioles for Erik Bedard, which will almost certainly blow up in Seattle's collective face. But Ichiro's fine with having aging relics on either side of him at spacious Safeco. From Geoff Baker's Mariners Blog (via USSM):
Ichiro seemed to be joking when we asked him about newcomer Brad Wilkerson in right field and Raul Ibanez in left… "If the other corner outfielders have too much speed and too much ability and try to do too much, it's hard for me,'' he said.
Ha ha, it's funny because they suck! Seriously, if I said that Raul Ibanez could run down a routine fly ball, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'd be lying.