Hello. Welcome to the portion of the NFL season where Geno Smith is a starting quarterback. Yes, we’re in that magical time of year where the excitement of selecting a daily fantasy football lineup (A POWER GOD HIMSELF SOMEDAY WISHES TO FEEL) is combined with the reality that a number of teams are dead, buried and waiting to push up sexy draft pick daisies. Come join your close personal friend Dan on a journey of Week 13 daily fantasy advice for Sunday’s slate of games and no you don’t have to watch them all.
In the market for guidance on what to do for traditional league play in Week 13? UPROXX hunk Jason Nawara has you covered.
Quarterback
Invest in Philip Rivers: The AFC West resembles a bleak post-apocalyptic landscape at the moment, which is lovely news for Chargers fans (all six in the L.A. area) who are somehow only one win back from sharing top spot in the division thanks to the Chiefs falling off of a skyscraper. Los Angeles hosts a friendly opponent in the winless Browns and Philip Rivers (who carved up the Cowboys defense for 31.9 Thanksgiving Day fantasy points on DraftKings) looks poised to keep the Chargers rolling. By the way, the Chargers are one of only six AFC teams with a positive points scored versus points allowed total on the year.
Avoid Matthew Stafford: Matthew Stafford appears to be on track to return after hurting his ankle, but you’ll want to proceed with caution with the large Detroit quarterback boy this Sunday. Or maybe just tape an “out of service” note to the guy’s chest and maybe dump him next to the Lost DVD box sets on your curb. Stafford’s resilient, but the Lions have a frustrating road date against the Baltimore Ravens who have given up the second-fewest fantasy totals on average to QBs in 2017 and have been a nightmare to go up against in Maryland.
Consider Jay Cutler: No, Draftings and FanDuel aren’t awarding 20 fantasy points for every time a quarterback smokes on the sideline after a 3 and out. Cutler is this week’s intriguing gamble. (Side Note: This miserable Miami run hurts the guy’s value as a broadcaster, right? Or is that what BIG VACCINE wants me to think?) There was a time when going up against the Broncos defense was a scary proposition, but 2017 has made playing Denver into the NFL’s most TD’d on team when it comes to fantasy QBs. Cutler is available for a value menu price ($4,700 on DraftKings) and if you think he can exploit Denver’s defense this could be a colossal bargain for your DFS lineup. Or he’ll sh*t the bed so hard Serta will sue for defamation. One of the two.
Running Back
Invest in Jordan Howard: What will you tell your grandchildren when they ask “Grando, what was it like watching the mighty 1-10 San Francisco 49ers play the invincible 3-7 Chicago Bears in a meaningless 2017 game?” First, you’ll likely be reminded that these grandchildren are a figment of your imagination, followed by a proud story told to an empty room about how Jordan Howard ran roughshod over a terrible Niners run defense and how you snapped him up for a totally reasonable $6,500 salary on DraftKings. Those imaginary tykes are gonna be so proud!
Avoid Tevin Coleman: Tevin Coleman returning to the Falcons lineup after having to go through the NFL’s concussion protocol and while this development is definitely good for Atlanta (who have started to hit their stride winning three straight contests), Coleman’s value in Week 13 is a bit misleading. Coleman (a $7,000 DraftKings pick) is facing one of the best rushing defenses in the league and ESPN reports he may be behind Devonta Freeman on the depth chart when the Falcons face the Vikings. Best to pass on reuniting with Coleman this week.
Consider Rex Burkhead: After the Week 10 debacle that was putting in Nathan Peterman at quarterback, Bills fans have resigned themselves to self-immolation on general principle. The Patriots will be happy to help this week in an AFC East clash was major implications for where Buffalo goes next. New England’s multi-headed rushing attack can make picking a Pat a frustrating play, but Rex Burkhead appears poised to collect at least one score against a Bills team that has given up more rushing TDs than any squad this year.
Wide Receiver
Invest in Davante Adams: No sensible person would encourage you to watch Sunday’s TB vs GB game on purpose, but it should be a lovely game for Davante Adams enthusiasts. He and substitute QB Brett Hundley have really clicked of late with Adams really making the most of his roughly 10 targets-a-game workload since Week 9. Hundley and Adams aren’t quite Matt Ryan and Julio Jones, but they could look just like that duo against a Tampa Bay defense that has been torched all year and were made a fool of by Jones in Week 12.
Avoid T.Y. Hilton: The walking corpse of the 2017 Indianapolis Colts season continues with a road date against Jacksonville’s merciless defense. The Jags haven’t allowed a wide receiver to score a touchdown in Jacksonville all season and the previous Jags-Colts matchup was a 27-0 bludgeoning in favor of JAX. This doesn’t help Hilton’s chances on Sunday. Nor does Hilton’s immediate invisibility on the stat sheet whenever the Colts play a team with a challenging defense.
Consider Jermaine Kearse: Kansas City has the opportunity to reset their season versus the Jets after an ugly spiral that’s seen the Chiefs lose five of their last six games. A win versus New York would do KC well, but it might be Jets wideout Jermaine Kearse that truly seizes the moment in their Week 13 showdown. Kearse is coming off a seven reception, 105 yard, 1 TD and tons of targets game versus the Panthers and enjoys a much easier opponent in the fantasy point hemorrhaging Chiefs pass defense. Robby Anderson is also worthy of your attention in this game, but Kearse’s $4,300 salary is the big hook.
Tight End
Invest in Jared Cook: Michael Crabtree’s suspended and Amari Cooper’s questionable for Sunday which means there’s loads of potential for Raiders tight end Jared Cook to go berserk against the Giants. Cook hasn’t taken off the way some fantasy managers would like (last week’s underwhelming outing against the Broncos being a lowlight), but Cook will be leaned on by Oakland in a game with playoff chase stakes and a Giants defense that has been exposed by tight ends all season long. I think he’ll have a lovely outing against New York.
Avoid Austin Hooper: Minnesota has largely held tight ends in check in 2017 and their defense doesn’t look particularly vulnerable against Falcons tight end Austin Hooper. In a Falcons offense with other weapons clicking, the largely TD-dependent Hooper isn’t in a friendly spot against Vikes.
Consider Marcedes Lewis: Marcedes Lewis is an excellent bargain option at his Week 13 $2,700 salary. The Jags tight end, who averages nearly double as many fantasy points at home than away, looks to feast on a listless Colts defense that comes to Jacksonville tied for the most red zone touches allowed to tight ends this season. Outside of his monster 3 TD performance against the Ravens back in September, Lewis hasn’t really teed off on a team this year and Indy’s in a prime spot to get burnt by the Jags veteran.
Here’s a friendly visual aide confirming that you can nestle your big investments alongside budget-friendly options.
Have a good football!
