Luciano Emilio Gonzalo Martinez took this laser from David Beckham directly to the groin during the second minute of yesterday's game at RFK, leaving the forward writhing on the pitch while Becks chuckled about destroying another man's genitalia. Which, when you think about it, is the only appropriate reaction.
[Update: basically, the rest of this post no longer makes sense.] However, the DC trainers must have poured some magic water down Emilio's shorts, because he stayed in the game to register two goals and an assist in United's 4-1 win over the Galaxy. Pretty impressive. I took a point-blank shot to the groin once while I was playing goalkeeper in an intramural league. Not only did I leave the game, I didn't even take a deep breath for the next week. I also cried myself to sleep that night. But, to be fair, that was more because I rented Finding Nemo.