Whenever I get low on The American Spirit, I can always count on Fark and the fine men and other men of ESPN NASCAR to dip said spirit in flour, deep fry it and shove it down my throat. In fact, that’s happened so many times now that my ass has expanded exponentially, and, having lost the ability to stand, I now require a broader seat upon which to rest my shame.
Good news, everyone!
Dover International Speedway in Delaware is hoping to make race fans’ experience a little more comfortable by widening seats in the track’s outdoor grandstands.
The speedway announced Thursday that the process of increasing seats from 18 inches to 22 inches will start next year and will be complete by 2014.
Denis McGlynn, president and CEO of Dover Motorsports, says the widening comes in response to fans’ suggestions. The change will reduce the capacity of the speedway from 140,000 to 113,000.
I’m guessing there aren’t a lot of vegan options at Dover International Speedway.
Before this post becomes too much of a fat wank, there are other explanations … namely, a 30,000 seat downshift helps compensate for declining attendance figures and make the track look more full, and the reality that even slimmer fans could use more leg room, especially when they’re wearing scanners or Jncos or enormous belt buckles. I just love that they’re widening the seats because of “fans’ suggestions”, like some 600 pound lady spent 40 minutes writing “wider seats” on a comment card before passing out and having the wind pick it up and carry it to the suggestion box. If I went to the speedway my suggestions would be “obstacles” and possibly “make it so the cars shoot turtle shells at each other”.