You know when your favorite sports team sucks and you’re like halfway through the season, so the owner fires the head coach and names some random schmuck the interim coach? And then you just wait and wait, and you keep telling yourself, “Be patient, when the season’s over, we’re going to hire the best coach available this time, some up-and-coming, energetic assistant who is aching to get a shot to prove he can run the whole show!” Finally, that day comes, and your team is the center of every coaching candidate rumor, and every analyst keeps saying, “This team will definitely hire that guy, because he’s the best option” and you’re just fist-pumping away, because YES! They’re about to finally make the right decision and this horrible experience will be over!
And then your team hires Dave Wannstedt and you’re like, “F*CK!” That’s how I feel today after reading that drag racer Alexis DeJoria is engaged to Jesse James after the couple has dated for a whopping month. In case you need a refresher, DeJoria was part of the recent Toyota Racing Dream Build Challenge, but she’s also a very wealthy heiress.
Who is Alexis DeJoria? She’s daughter of John Paul DeJoria, co-founder of billionaire hair care giant Paul Mitchell. “I’ve always been interested in a fast-paced lifestyle,” DeJoria, 35, who has a daughter, Isabella, 9, told the New York Times in a May interview, adding that her father has always owned Ferraris and Porsches. She now competes in the Funny Car class, typically driving a supercharged Toyota some 300 mph. (Via USA Today)
James, of course, is the star of Jesse James: Outlaw Garage and has been engaged four times prior to this latest effort at ruining another woman’s life. But then, my parents always told me not to judge a book by its cover, even if that book’s cover is notorious for putting its penis in every woman that it meets. So best of luck, Alexis. I look forward to using the headline “On The Outslaw” in January.