Between Aaron Hernandez’s murder charges, Riley Cooper’s open invitation for safeties to decapitate him and even Johnny Manziel supposedly lowering his draft stock for being a typical college bro, I thought that the NFL’s writers who don’t like doing actual reporting on teams and players and simply prefer sticking to moral brow-beating and soap box finger-wagging. But no, I was wrong. The scandal-embracing, debate-first sports media machine needs more, damn it, and it won’t stop until every last athlete has been proven to be a child-punching, puppy-kicking bastard.
Next up? New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees, who recently left a $3 tip on a $74 takeout order. And if there’s one thing that a “sports business” reporter like Darren “Sh*t Biscuit” Rovell likes, it’s an excuse to not do his job and just force people to argue about something that is so amazingly trivial that kids in Romania are like, “Seriously?”
Unfortunately, this goes way beyond Rovell and his legion of number-crunching ass-kissers. I’m going to warn you now, the video you’re about to watch is incredibly graphic and features extremely horrifying content.
Yeah Coach, and I use that in the loosest sense of the word, it’s a shame that Brees finds himself in this situation, in which a group of “analysts” and “journalists” chooses to spend several minutes talking about takeout food and Batboy’s pizza delivery tips instead of how Brees’ team is going to perform this season.
Hell, even Hota Kotb and Kathy Lee Gifford are getting in on the debate.
“He is my make-believe boyfriend and a really, really great guy,” she insisted Thursday.
Kathie Lee said Brees is a “very, very generous guy” known for his charity work, but the hullabaloo did make her wonder about etiquette surrounding takeout orders.
KLG said she usually drops in a few bucks if there’s a tip jar on the counter.
“But otherwise, that is a service tip that you put on for service,” she said. “If there’s no service involved, I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s a really nice thing to do but I don’t think it’s required.” (Via Today)
Meanwhile, Brees, like most of us, can’t believe people are even talking about this stupid, pointless argument that gets dragged up any time someone is bored and wants to pick a fight. I’ve done my time in the service industry, and I tip a couple bucks every time I get takeout. I don’t give a flying duck tit what anyone else tips for takeout or sit-down dining. That’s up to them, and Cthulhu will judge them accordingly.