12.12.09 8 years ago 9 Comments

Tiger Woods is waiting in the clubhouse for the storm to blow over. It won’t.

Less than two weeks after crashing his Cadillac into a tree, Tiger has been run over by the tabloids, as a seemingly endless Parade of Whores revealed story after story of the professional golfer’s philandering ways. It’s worth noting that celebrity magazines–and not the sports media outlets–have been setting the pace in covering the greatest fall from grace by an athlete since State of California v. Orenthal James Simpson. Tiger’s announcement from his website that he would temporarily retire from golf was just latest twist in a saga where each new episode has been more mindblowing than the one that came before.

Tiger just wants to be left alone, which is a bad thing to want from the world’s most recognizable athlete. Tiger’s public status–as a (former?) golfer and product pitchman–will make such an endeavor for privacy impossible to achieve. And by hiding at home, where he’s supposedly focusing his attention “on being a better husband, father, and person,” he has eliminated the singular mechanism that would allow any of us to forget about this amazing Parade of Whores, a Parade that may or may not even be over.

I hold no scorn for Woods. The questions of “How could he cheat on his beautiful wife” are as idealistic and pointless as “How could he win the Masters by 11 shots?” Or “How could he win the US Open on one leg?” All of those aforementioned events are aberrations from what Normal People could even fathom, let alone accomplish. A man with so many conquests in a white man’s game can only ignore so many cocktail waitresses.

There are better ways to rebuild one’s family. Playing abroad–where the tabloid situation could possibly be worse–would give Tiger some time away from at least the American press, and at the same time give the guy some momentum for his comeback on American soil. And that’s really what we’re waiting for. A comeback from the guy that spend so many Sundays in the lead is the ending that this amazing story deserves. And instead of spending the coming months curled up in the corner of the clubhouse, Tiger Woods needs to put that red shirt back on and figure out how the hell he’s going to finish this thing.

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