Felix Hernandez started for the Seattle Mariners yesterday against the Tampa Bay Rays, and he put up the following stats: 9 innings pitched, 113 pitches, 77 strikes, 12 strikeouts, 0 runs allowed, 0 hits allowed, 0 walks allowed. Yup, that’s a perfect game.
The stats don’t even do it justice, either. I know the phrase “perfect game” has the word perfect right there up front, but that just refers to the spotless score sheet. He was completely dominant. It looked like one of those Little League games where a 6-foot-tall kid with a mustache mows down a bunch of terrified 11-year-olds wearing the helmets with the cages on the front while all the parents in the stands grumble about wanting to see his birth certificate (or, if they’re funnier, his driver’s license). Within the relatively small subset of perfect games thrown throughout baseball history, I’ve got to believe this one falls somewhere on the Even Perfecter side of the spectrum, if that’s even a thing. I know he earned the nickname King a long time ago, but if he hadn’t, this was the type of performance that would have done it. I suppose the point I’m trying to make here is that Felix Hernandez was pretty good at baseball yesterday.
But then, as if dominating a group of grown men — who, you should remember, are all highly paid athletes who have reached the peak of their profession — so fully that not a single one of them reached base once in 27 combined tries wasn’t enough, this happened and put a cherry on top of the whole thing:
— Kate Upton (@KateUpton) August 16, 2012
Sing it, Cube.