Welp, that's all for the Seattle Sonics. The city of Seattle caved and settled with Clay Bennett's ownership group to the tune of $75 million, so the team will play its games in Oklahoma City next season. While the city keeps the rights to the "Sonics" name, there are no real prospects or promises to bring an NBA team back to the Emerald City.
I grew up a huge fan of Xavier McDaniel, and I died a little when the Bulls beat the Payton-Kemp Sonics in '96, so I'll try to keep this brief while hitting all the wickets:
Fuck that lying piece of shit Clay Bennett. Fuck David Stern, that collusive cocksucker. Fuck Howard Schultz for selling the team to Bennett, and fuck Starbucks, too. Fuck Seattle's limp-dick government. Fuck Hurricane Katrina. And fuck Oklahoma fans who get indignant and say that they're more deserving of an NBA team than Seattle, the victim of uncaring ownership and a city whose only crime was not shelling out more tax dollars so a carpetbagging son of a bitch could make more fistfuls money.
Get fucked, NBA.