One day I’m going to have a son – or if our God is a vengeful one, 6 daughters – and he will ask me in an adorable-but-eventually-manly voice, “Daddy, what does Thanksgiving mean?” And I’m going to look him straight in the eyes and tell him, “Visiting hours are over, thanks for the cigarettes.” But it’s a great question, that one that my imaginary son just asked. What does Thanksgiving even mean anymore?
It used to be a holiday that celebrated the first meal between the pilgrims that traveled to this country and the Native Americans that lived here, but we can’t be happy about that anymore because of the whole genocide thing. And at one time it was a celebration of family and friends coming together over a nice turkey dinner, but now we have national TV campaigns that are hellbent on making us feel like murderers for enjoying a piece of white meat. Hell, I’d love to say that it’s about celebrating America’s love of the NFL, but now we’re total a-holes if we cheer for a big hit because it may ruin a guy’s life.
Maybe that’s what we’re supposed to be most thankful for – the ability to make people feel miserable about everything. After all, what’s the point of spending hours in a farty plane or car only to end up with people who are going to nag you about your life decisions and ask you for money? But I’m a classic guy, who still believes in that old-fashioned meaning of Thanksgiving, so I’ve put together this gallery of the most Thanksgiving things that I could think of. I hope that it touches your hearts the way that it has touched the heart of the son I don’t have who was just visiting me in prison.
Happy Thanksgiving from With Leather.