You guys know I love pro wrestling right? Yeah, pro wrestling’s not real. It’s not a sport. It’s a television show. Performance art, whatever. I’m not revealing some grand carnival scam when I note that people get together and decide who should win which match and how it should all go down before the fights happen, because they want it to be entertaining or accomplish some weird purpose or sell a specific guy’s t-shirts. You get that, right? Sports elements, competition elements, sports presentation, but not a sport.
If you read that and still want to bet on WrestleMania, the biggest show of the year for people who are not really trying to amateur wrestling pin each other, you have a gambling problem. But hey, it’s not my job to come down on you about your hang-ups … if you think CM Punk being +700 against the Undertaker is a steal, by all means, lay your money down.
Here are the betting odds for WrestleMania 29, courtesy of Bovada:
I still think this is kinda like voting on whether or not Dan will actually kick David out of the house on an episode of ‘Roseanne’ from 20 years ago, but if you want my expert advice, I think Mark Henry is your money bet here. He’s +425, and on a card where every outcome seems predictable, I think the reality of “Ryback can’t pick up fat guys properly and Mark Henry is the fattest of them all” is enough to push me in his direction. Also, I love Mark Henry. I also might put money on Chris Jericho, because yeah, Fandango’s going to win that match via cheating or a flash roll-up (or both), but sometimes WWE loves to remind you that their joke characters are just jokes, and could have Jericho beat him outright.
If I was Vince McMahon, I’d put all my money on the underdogs and write them all to win. Talk about turning a profit on Mania.