I KNOW WHY PAVANO HASN’T BEEN PITCHING

03.02.07 11 years ago 12 Comments

Pictured here is Gia Allemand, a 5'4", 100-pound student who also happens to be the fiancée of Yankees money pit Carl Pavano. Apparently her appearance in Maxim's Hometown Hotties raised some interest, because Page Six has a tease of a nugget this morning:

The brown-haired beauty had been pursued by Penthouse and agreed to do a photo spread if she could cover her nipples with her long tresses, but the deal fell through when Penthouse told her it had a "no hair over the boobs" policy.

Gia, baby, lighten up. Live a little. Show off what God gave you. Penthouse is totally in the right here. Hair over the boobs is a staid lad-mag cliché, and the "no hair over the boobs" policy is almost as important as my "no hair on the vagina" policy. Penthouse may not be showing girls peeing any more, but the day they stop showing nipple is the day I die.

And another thing, Gia: ditch the zero and get with a hero. No seriously, I'm a combat hero. Of course, it wasn't my choice to call me that: it was the government. I was just doing my job. Unlike your glass-armed fiancé.

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