The American League secured home-field advantage in the World Series by extending its All-Star Game winning streak to ten games with a 5-4 victory last night. Seattle Mariner Ichiro Suzuki earned MVP honors by going 3-for-3 with a two-run inside-the-park homer, while former Mariner Ken Griffey Jr was one of the few NL position players who decided to show up, driving in two runs and getting an outfield assist by throwing out former Mariner Alex Rodriguez at the plate.
The AL survived a scare in the 9th inning when lazy douchebag Brian Roberts ruined Mariner closer JJ Putz's 1-2-3 inning by allowing Dmitri Young (!) to get an infield single. Rattled by Roberts's incompetence, Putz gave up a two-run homer to Alfonso Soriano and a walk before giving way to Francisco Rogriguez, who walked the bases full before ending the game.
After the game, Ichiro looked dapper as he accepted a clear phallus from Bud Selig and a hybrid SUV from some car guy. Then Jeanne Zelasko conducted an awkward interview through Ichiro's translator, at the end of which she announced to the crowd, "…and he's gonna be a free agent!!!" Ummm… except not. Reports surfaced earlier in the evening that Ichiro signed an extension with the M's, but that would have required her to be, you know, prepared. But good work, Jeanne. Your makeup looked great. For a drag queen.