Last night, despite the fact that the Chicago Bears completely walloped the Dallas Cowboys to the tune of 45-28 to even the teams’ records at 7-6, the majority of focus was on Alshon Jeffrey’s amazing touchdown catch in the second quarter. Alshon Jeffreys, as Jon Gruden repeatedly called him, has become a go-to guy for the Bears and interim QB Josh McCown over these past few weeks, so naturally the fascination with his incredible talents has spread.
Among Jeffrey’s biggest fans now is actor Billy Zane, star of such films as The Phantom and Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, who Tweeted the above image of him celebrating after Jeffrey’s 25-year touchdown, and I had a few questions about this image.
- Does Billy Zane employ someone to take pictures of him at random times in his home or did he simply say, “Hey, can you take a quick photo of me enjoying this touchdown?”
- Does he call this room his man cave or does he have a cooler name for it like the “ZANE ZONE”?
- If he’s cold enough to wear a scarf in his home, why doesn’t he use the fireplace?
- Does he not use the fireplace because he has all of those wine bottles all over the place?
- Are those wine bottles full? If so, he should get a rack for them.
- Are they empty? Because if they’re empty, he should throw them out.
- Wait, unless he keeps different color highlighters in them like I used to have in college. Is that why he still has all of those bottles? I hope not, because he’s an adult.
- Does Billy Zane have diet sodas in that Coca-Cola freezer? Because I don’t really drink soda as it is, so I’d hate to feel uncomfortable if he had me over to watch the Bears game and he was all, “Want a soda?” and I was like, “Ehhhhhh, do you have water?”
- What’s that trophy for on top of that Coca-Cola machine? Is it a trophy? Do you keep Skittles in it? I would.
In conclusion, The Phantom was a strangely fun movie and reminds me of a time when Kristy Swanson was the most wonderful woman on the planet.