For the record, this is what happens to me 15 seconds into any attempt to play soccer.
New England Revolution fullback [Kevin Alston] played 41 minutes of standout soccer before he was overcome by illness. He vomited on the Gillette Stadium turf in front of cameras, and onlookers were treated to an up-close view of the flying chunks.
“Unfortunately everyone saw what happened,” Revolution head coach Jay Heaps said. “It wasn’t pretty. He just went into a coughing fit and I didn’t know this before the game. So he played through a 102 temperature, and when he got hit, he went into a coughing fit that’s why he got sick. By Saturday he’ll be alright.”
All we need now is for Daniel Tosh to run onto the field with a big pixelated rectangle around his junk and we’ve got 5 minutes of a Tosh.0 episode. The Revolution went on to defeat the Colorado Rapids 2-1, but all I’ll ever be able to picture now is Garth Algar saying, “if you’re gonna spew, spew into this” and gesturing toward the field.