Jay Mariotti Tweets About Bloggers, Then Gets Savagely Owned By The Internet


Bad take machine and widow’s-peak shaver Jay Mariotti shuffled his 57-year-old, self-employed ass to a used 2002 Compaq on Thursday night, typed his username and password into a Google search bar before realizing his mistake, then logged into Twitter to fire off a take so bad and boring that there’s no way he could ever claim someone else hacked his account.

It’s like a poem for the irrelevant. Mariotti and Rick Reilly should sing it during karaoke night at Jason Whitlock’s house. There’s nothing special or new in a “writers rule, bloggers drool” tweet from an old-timey sports writer man like Mariotti, but when it comes from someone as disgraced and washed-up as this, it’s worth the time to roast him. If he were just a bad columnist like Reilly, it’d be less of a deal; but when you’re bad and once pleaded no contest to misdemeanor battery against a woman, ignoring it would be wrong.

Many true heroes did not ignore it, starting first with this debonair swashbuckler riding a white horse and saving the day.

Jokes and statistics? Is there anything that guy can’t do?!

That’s just the start of it. Dodgers pitcher Brandon McCarthy and Fox Sports’ Katie Nolan were like a wrestling tag team.

Off the top rope, it’s hippo poop!

Then there was a link to an old Deadspin story in which Mariotti talks about the Internet the way a Pilgrim would if they were transported from the Mayflower to modern times.

And oh yeah:

But those were just the replies to that one tweet. Here are a few more pieces of art to get your day going in the right direction.

Thanks for reading this blog I typed.

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