JERRAMY STEVENS WAS TOTALLY KENNEDY’D

03.26.07 11 years ago 10 Comments

Jerramy Stevens, previously known for choking in Super Bowls, getting kneed in the crotch, and being a nightmare of a neighbor, has a finally shown where he can give 110% — at the bar when he needs to drive home. Stevens refused a Breathalyzer when he was arrested for DUI two weeks ago, but now the Arizona Republic has released the results of his blood test: a .204 blood alcohol content!

Naturally the Republic gets all sensationalistic, saying that Stevens was "nearly three times over the state's legal limit." Since when is two and a half "almost three"?

Stevens told police that he had "four or five" margaritas. In a fun little bit of math I just did, I used the knowledge that he weighs 265 pounds with an online BAC calculator to figure out that, assuming there are about 2 shots of tequila per margarita, and that he had been out drinking for four hours, it was more like, ohhh… eight margaritas.

I drank eight margaritas once. Not only was I still good to drive, I didn't need those pants at all. 

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