Los Angeles high school senior Jake Davidson achieved Internet fame last week when he posted a very creative video prom invitation addressed to two-time Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Kate Upton. Bless her busty heart, Upton Tweeted at Jake and played along like a good sport, as she even called into NBC’s Today when Jake was being interviewed about his crush, because Matt Lauer has nothing better to do.
But now the fame is over, because Upton did a little crushing of her own. And by that I mean his heart.
“It was so flattering,” Upton, 20, tells PEOPLE. “The video was so cute, and I really appreciated it. There was something about it that I knew I had to respond.”
“When a guy has a good sense of humor and confidence, that’s attractive,” she says. “This video was creative and funny. It made me laugh, and everyone loves a good laugh!
“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go with him or not, due to my schedule,” she says. “I want to, but I just don’t know if I can make it work. But I really appreciated being asked; it made me feel really great!” (Via People)
Sure, that’s not a definitive “No”, but we’re all old enough to read between the lines. But if I can, I’d like to take a moment to have some real talk with Jake, from one bro to another, now that he can just focus on finding a girl at his school to take to his prom and awkwardly try to make out with at the end of the night.
Hey Jake-bro, you tried. In fact, you tried better than pretty much every guy on this planet who isn’t named Justin Verlander. Hell, I’m willing to bet that your video was better than anything Mark Sanchez ever tried to do to get into Kate’s pants. The only difference being that Nacho probably succeeded. We try not to think about that, though.
Anyway, my point is that you can’t let this get you down. Soon, you’re going to begin your next chapter as a student at the University of Southern California, where girls with blonde hair and big breasts grow on trees. There you’ll be able to comfort many a Song Girl as Lane Kiffin underachieves and ruins the hopes of everyone at that school.
As much as I have sung Upton’s praises over the past two years, there will be other women. Los Angeles is full of gorgeous young women that you can woo with all the quirky videos that you can post to YouTube, and chances are some of those other women are going to shoot you down, too. Just don’t ever let those girls stop you from succeeding, because they will get older, saggy and wrinkled, and eventually they’ll reflect on their shallow decisions and wonder if you can ever forgive them.
And hopefully you’ll be so wealthy that you can buy a tank and run over their homes, because nobody f*cks with Jake Davidson.