03.13.09 9 years ago 14 Comments

Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric, new husband of supermodel Adriana Lima (pictured), is under investigation after a Philadelphia woman claims that the 30-year-old from Belgrade assaulted her. Sexually! From

The incident allegedly occurred in March when the Grizzlies were in Philadelphia to play the 76ers.

Jaric is a seven-year NBA veteran who is in his first season with the Grizzlies. Last month Jaric married longtime girlfriend and Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima.

Obviously, we’ll all have a better shot at Lima once Jaric is in jail where it belongs. Of course, if that woman was from Kosovo, he’ll claim some ridiculous patriotic impulse. Serbs are angry, man. But foreigners in general are weird. What do you mean, you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Serbia? They probably don’t celebrate the fourth of July, either. Heathens.

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