06.29.07 10 years ago 32 Comments

Just when you think the scandals in cycling can't get any more ridiculous, a British man has been accused of having sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was allegedly caught in the act by two terrified cleaners who walked into his bedroom in a hostel. Stewart has denied the accusation, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The 51-year-old bachelor was charged with the bizarre sexual offence after he was disturbed by the cleaner and her colleague in a private hostel in Ayr. The charge alleges he conducted himself in a disorderly manner, simulated sex with a bicycle and continued to do so while naked from the waist down in the presence of two female employees.

Already the media is trying to frame this guy as some sort of weirdo, but let's not forget that the bike is an inherently sexual creature.  You can't go out on the town dressed like that and expect nothing to happen.  Just look at how loose that chain is, fer chrissakes!  That bike was asking for it.  Slut.

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