The Miss America Pageant — no, not the one with Donald Trump — went head-to-head with Sunday Night Football to crown their champion. But before they did that, contestants were asked important questions about world peace, hunger and, of course, Deflategate. Because if there’s one topic dividing America right now, one topic that will sway voters in 2016, it’s the air pressure of footballs from nine months ago.
As a wise man once said, “Make America great again.” This is probably what he meant.
Anyway, Miss Georgia Betty Cantrell offered this hot take on Tom Brady and his balls. Let’s break this down.
“Did he cheat? Um, that’s a really good question.”
Classic pageant-speak right here. Always repeat the words. You’re off to a good start, Miss Georgia.
“I’m not sure. I think I’d have to be there to see the ball and feel if it was deflated or not deflated.”
Check out the brains on Miss Georgia, using the scientific method and stuff.
“But if there were questions there, then yes, I think he cheated.”
A shill for Roger Goodell, clearly.
“If there were any questions to be had, I think he definitely cheated and he should have been suspended for that. That’s not fair.”
Betty Cantrell, the NFL’s new VP of discipline.
As a result of her answers (probably not), Miss Georgia Betty Cantrell was crowned Miss America. In the words of Lee Greenwood, “there ain’t no doubt I love this land. God bless the USA.”
