04.07.10 8 years ago 3 Comments

Baseball players are all about performing tedious routines dictated by their OCD that keep them from turning into murdering bat-wielding sociopaths. It’s just their way. For example, there was Wade Boggs with the eating of chicken. There was Nomar Garciaparra with the spastic whatever he did. There were a million other examples of players with the good sense not to play for the Red Sox.

But there is also Tigers closer Jose Valverde, who makes certain before he leaves the bullpen to yank on his crotch and then make like he’s a sprinkler and spit in every direction. But only the sprinkler that shoots staggered bursts of water, not the kind that makes the wavy motion. Ask Milhouse, he’ll break it down for you.

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