Morneau and Mauer are Totally College Juniors

09.21.06 11 years ago

It looks like the Twins are probably going to the playoffs this year, and it will be largely in part to MVP candidates/youngsters Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer. SI's newest issue has a feature that takes a look around the two-bedroom, three-story house that Morneau and Mauer share.

Considering that Mauer and Morneau are 23 and 25 and make millions of dollars to hit and catch baseballs, it might be the least surprising story ever. They have a gigantic flat-screen. They only have beverages in the refrigerator. One of them is messy; one's neat. They have a vending machine that serves Gatorade and beer. Add in the fact that Mauer is from St. Paul and Morneau is from Canada, and they're probably the nicest, most laid-back guys on the planet. I can't make fun of that.

But then there's this: "Last month Morneau downloaded the first season of Prison Break; one off day the two watched the show for six straight hours." Guhhh. Six hours? I couldn't watch that show for six minutes. It's like a cross between "Oz" and The Shawshank Redemption… only bad. I don't know how FOX did that, but I suspect the most important part was getting rid of swearing. Oh, and Mauer has a picture of Miss USA Chelsea Cooley cuddling up to him, so that sealed it: they're definitely gay. Yep, lots of butt-sex between these two.

I didn't want to be their friend anyway. I've got lots of friends. Like my mom. She thinks I'm the handsomest boy in my grade.

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