Morning Links: I’m Outstanding

05.19.11 6 years ago

Now let’s skip to the time when I was fifteen. Shaq is in the house… no, Shaq is on the scene! Now my name’s in papers, girls caught the vapors, kids look up to me like a skyscraper. Now, a role model… I mean a role figure. Then I ask myself, “can I get any bigger?”

My dream is coming through, but coming through slowly. Then I remember what Mom and Dad told me: “Remember this, son, do all the runs. Shoot your gift like a gun and never forget where you come from. You’re young, gifted, and black. If they can’t say Shaquille O’Neal then make ’em scream, ‘Shaq!'”

– Author Unknown (but outstanding)

Sports

LSU To Honor Shaq with a Life-Sized Bronze Statue on Campus – Thank goodness somebody is finally honoring poor Shaquille O’Neal. I hope the statue reads “in honor of a man who became seven feet tall when he was twelve.” [Hoop Doctors]

REWIND: Top 10 Ugliest Mistresses – Shaq’s in here, too. Inspired by “I can’t believe Arnold Schwarzenegger had sex with someone-Gate,” take a look back at some of sports’ (and not sports’) least attractive Other Women. I one day hope to become a successful millionaire and try to secretly sleep with the same ugly women who’d want to secretly sleep with me now. [Urban Daily]

From Soviets to Sharks: How Seven TV Channels Changed Their Identities – Remember when Madison Square Garden had a channel? It became the USA Network. Remember what Versus was before it was Versus? I’ll give you a hint: only four of the eight people who watch Versus watched it. [Warming Glow]

The Costumed Crazies of the 100th Annual Bay To Breakers 12K Race – I don’t know if you guys have heard, but With Leather is under new management, and is a definite “must click” in your daily routine. All of my friends love it, and I heard these beautiful women discussing it at the market. “Did you see the pictures from Bay to Breakers?” “No, where are they?” “OMG do you not read With Leather??” and so on. [With Leather]

Not Sports

More Gorgeous Rainbow Hair – I clicked because there’s nothing I like stumbling upon more in Google image search than a beautiful girl with rainbow hair. Then I noticed that Jeff Hardy was in the gallery. Honestly, Jeff Hardy’s hair WAS pretty great, before the dye started leaking and drained into his face. [Buzzfeed]

Pictures of the Newly Discovered Habitable Planet, Gliese 581d – So THIS is where Antonio Sabato Jr. and Rebecca Gayheart went! [EgoTV]

Masters Of The Universe Paintings: Fighting Skeletons While Riding Green Tigers – Paintings of my favorite thing in the world circa age four. I say “age four” because before that it was Transformers (and maybe the Dukes of Hazzard) and after that was Ninja Turtles. I love a Heavy Metal-style artist trying to interpret He-Man’s stupid machines. “It’s a car, but it uses a boulder on the end of a long pole to crush things! It won’t tip over while you’re driving, I swear!” [Gamma Squad]

Jon Stewart Can’t Resist Making Fun of the Schwarzenegger Scandal (VIDEO) – Seriously, why is everyone so surprised that Arnold had sex with a lady? He’s Arnold. People are like “ewww the Sperminator!!!!” like the rich famous movie star body builder never put it in somebody before 2001. The GOVERNATOR put his SPERMINATOR in this WOMANATOR and got her PREGNANTATOR!!! [TV Squad]

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