Well, like nuts, at least.
Sports
Exciting New Genre Alert: The MMA Porno – It’s called “Fighters” and follows “two beautiful, passionate girls, from opposite walks of life that come together in a battle of lust and unyielding wills to fight it out in a stealthy boxing match.” Spoiler: One walk of life is “stripping” and the other is “molestation”. [Cage Potato]
Sports’ Best Mustaches – Sure, you always have to see that same picture of Rollie Fingers, but “best mustaches” lists on the Internet are the best place to find out about weird-looking hockey players. I keep wondering how hockey players get hot actress girlfriends. Theory: hockey is the one pro sport where a woman can date a white guy and not look like she’s a secret racist. [Yardbarker]
Real Madrid Signs 7-Year Old – Soccer is a fun game for children to play, I don’t know why people are so upset about this. Just make sure he drinks Pediasure instead of eating that box of fries. [Online Sports Guys]
Deion Sanders And The Career Many Forgot He Had – It started with “Must Be The Money” and ended with a Troy Aikman-looking Hall of Fame bust. That’s quite a career. Also, he was the sh*t in Tecmo Super Bowl. [Smoking Section]
With Leather
Senorita, Feel The Conga, Let Me See You Golf Like You Come From Colombia – Shakira golfing. If you see the title “Shakira golfing” and don’t at least look at it for a few minutes, you’re a weird person. [With Leather]
@Storytime: Celine Dion Destroys Ron Artest’s Fragile World – This thing needs more comments. This is a “Fabio gets hit in the face by a bird while riding a roller coaster” type of situation and needs your attention. SHE MADE HIM WANT TO LEARN ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. [With Leather]
The 80’s Sitcom Daughters Guide to Fantasy Football Wide Receivers – I love that Burnsy puts so much work into making these intelligent and accurate and most of the comments are still just “meh where’s Lynn from ALF your argument is invalid”. [With Leather]
Melina Splits: WWE Cleaning House – Notable because WWE is referencing them on television, with the slight chance that Masters, Kozlov and Harry Smith are going to return as part of CM Punk’s “Legion Of The Damned”. Melina, of course, will be at Wizard World Austin. Come on, Wizard World Austin! [With Leather]
Not Sports
The Best of #Tom Haverford – For all your apps, zerts and chicky-chicky parm-parm needs. Tom is my girlfriend’s favorite character on Parks and Rec, no matter how hard I try to convince her that Leslie is the best person in the history of sitcom television. [UPROXX]
7 Sci-Fi Philosoraptors: Dinosaur Meme Tackles Time Travel, Space – Needs more “Carl Sagan explaining Flatland”. “Cosmos” ruled, I don’t know if you were aware. [Gamma Squad]
The Five Most Useless Action Movie Heroines – I clicked this to make sure Violet from Ultraviolet was on the list, and sure enough, there she was. I got that blu-ray free with my blu-ray player and could not believe something so free could be so terrible. It was like watching Joseph Kahn jack off onto a tablet. [UPROXX]
Black Dynamite: Watch the Full Pilot – Main man Black Dynamite! [Adult Swim]
