If you don't count the games in Japan and last night's Braves-Nats game, today is Opening Day for Major League Baseball. Fittingly, there's an assload of baseball stories fluttering about. Let's take a look.
- The Manatees — the Marlins' dance team comprised of overweight men — are ready for their home opener, which brings us this exchange between a disappointed choreographer and a member of the team:
"I see people leaving to get hot dogs!" she admonishes them. "You want to keep them in the stands! Do you want to lose out to a hot dog?"
"Can they bring me one?" asks Steve Bauer, a 280-pound food service vendor, drawing high fives from the other Manatees. [Because they're fat! Get it? – Ed.]
- Lego stadiums! All of them considerably nicer than RFK.
- The least intimidating entrance songs. And yet, no mention of Celine Dion. Although she's terrifying in her own way, I suppose.
- Rob Neyer has a marathon chat at ESPN. Perfect for lulling you into a nice after-lunch nap.
- After the jump, enjoy Tampa Bay bullpen coach Bobby Ramos humping his chair. Think that's sexy? Watch me fuck this couch.