05.30.08 9 years ago 22 Comments

NBA – WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [inhales] WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, it's only so often you get to celebrate the ousting of a team as eminently unlikable as the Spurs. Granted, they came into Game 5 in L.A. down 3-1 in the series, but we know this team to be a scrappy, if whiny and charisma-less, bunch. The erstwhile defending champs came out strong, taking a 28-15 lead after the opening quarter, but then Kobe grew tired of filming fake Jackass stunts and got down to the bidness of scoring 39 points, 17 of them in the 4th quarter. Now we're a Boston win away from a never-before-seen Celtics-Lakers Finals. How have they avoided each other for so long? Seriously, though, it'll revive all of Bill Simmons' childhood fantasies, except with more black guys starting for Boston. So, nothing like Bill Simmons' fantasies at all. 

MLB – Hey, the Yankees and the Red Sox didn't play. Must not've been any baseball yesterday, right ESPN? Wait, what's this: Joe Torre make an emotional return to a New York team he hasn't coached for a quarter century. How pregnant with sentiment. Enough so to lose 8-4, but pensively…Albert Pujols puts off administering bodily harm to opposing players to put the hurt on the baseball for the deciding homer in a 3-2 win over the Astros…That hot Royals start, uh, it seems like a long time ago, doesn't it? KC drops its 11th in a row with a 5-1 loss to the Twins. It marks the fourth such time the Royals've done that since the beginning of the 2005 season, which amounts to three more hot flashes of futility than any other team… Those darling first-place Tampa Bay Rays That Were Formerly Associated With The Devil drew a whopping 12,636 fans to see their 5-1 loss to the White Sox. So if Tampa makes the playoffs, can we expect 14 thou? 14,500? And probably only then if tickets are free with a purchase of a cheesesteak Hot Pocket at Publix.

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