While LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and the rest of the free agent class are wooed by horny GMs, three playoff teams have since solidified their coaching concerns. Doc Rivers informed the Boston Celtics that he’ll stick around another year, while the Cleveland Cavaliers hired Byron Scott after falling flat on other coaching pursuits. But the man of the hour is 11-time NBA champion Phil Jackson (pictured above with his ladyfriend Jeanie Buss), who has confirmed that he will coach the Los Angeles Lakers for at least one more year. Meanwhile, the Minnesota Timberwolves are very interested in bringing Red Auerbach out of retirement.
Jackson’s announcement contrasts a previous claim by his daughter Chelsea that he was done coaching. This makes her the second worst family member at predicting retirement, ranked far behind Brett Favre’s eight-month-old niece Violet. What kind of inside scoop is “potty poopy pee” anyway?
Someone grab a shovel and fuel the hyperbole machine for the L.A. Times’ Bill Plaschke:
I don’t care if one team is dynamic enough to sign the duo of Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade, it won’t be favored over Phil Jackson’s Lakers.
At the outset of a potentially historic month of NBA moves, the Lakers have just made The Move. With everyone preparing for all-star musical chairs, the Lakers have just cleared the room and ended the game.
It doesn’t matter what happens with any other team or any other player. It doesn’t matter who is declared winners or losers, richer or poorer, hot or not.
The rest of the summer will be little more than expensive calisthenics, because Phil Jackson is back, meaning the Lakers are back, meaning everyone else will once again chase.
Added Plaschke: “Forget Moses, Phil Jackson’s the only person who can part the Red Sea. Stop working on cures, doctors and scientists. Phil Jackson’s blood is the remedy for AIDS, cancer and shingles. BP should just give up, because nobody dumps oil like Phil Jackson. Phil Jackson can barely walk and he eliminated the U.S., England, France and Spain from the World Cup months ago. Phil Jackson’s mustache tastes like Megan Fox.”
The Lakers, like every other team on the planet, have been mentioned among teams trying to obtain the services of free agent Chris Bosh. However, with Jackson back in the fold, the Lakers are expected to change very little for next season, unfortunately ignoring Khloe Kardashian’s pleas for chocolate-covered everything.