Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings? Well, yes, and it's something I'm going to address it in today's Weekend Picks. And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.
1. Scarlett. I encourage these two to just wander around getting photographed together for the next three years or so. I'd be cool with that.
2. Sean Salisbury. Godspeed, and good luck broadening the Salisbury brand.
3. Body paint. Inauthentic though they may be, I was nonetheless drawn to these soccer kits. The breasts really helped, I found.
4. Jerry Jones. Nice of him to support rival Dan Snyder by dancing it up at Six Flags with Urkel. HE IS FUCKIN CRAAAAAZYYYYY!!!
5. Isaac Sosa. Homeboy hit a game-winning three with a fractured testicle. And you cried when you broke your ankle. Pussy.
6. Satin jackets. All hail the '86 Dodgers. What they lack in Blue Jay-esque mustaches, they more than make up for with satin jackets.
7. Rockland County, New York. The best thing I read all week.
8. Duke. The Blue Devils will henceforth make the Power Rankings every week they can provide video of their mascot getting injured.
9. Jonathan Papelbon. He doesn't, like, habla the espanol so good, man.
10. Hometown Hotties. Not all that impressive in the intellectual department, but I spent so much damn time working on that post that I had to bring it up again.