POWER RANKINGS: JAILBAIT PAST AND PRESENT

05.02.08 9 years ago 20 Comments

Man, I hate bullshit power rankings where writers arbitrarily place teams wherever just to make people talk about it.  Even worse: people who get offended by power rankings.  So go ahead, chime in and tell me that Alicia Folmar should be ahead of mermen.  I stand by my decision.

1. Jailbait.  I don't understand why people are excited about Miley Cyrus.  She's not even hot.  Now, take my little cousin Samantha: that is a sexy 15-year-old. 

2. Mexican soccer fans.  I've watched this video at least ten times today.  Now all I want is for someone to splice in Bumblebee Man's "¡Ay yi yi, no me gusto!"

3. Irony.  Some clown said that a Sharks fan dying from a shark attack was coincidence, not irony.  Hey dumbfuck, a coincidence can be ironic.  Like rain on your wedding day, for example.  Or a free ride when you've already paid.

4. ASU Cheerleaders.  UPDATE to the previous story: Arizona State officials deny everything, saying that oversight of the cheerleaders has been handed over to the band director.  Maybe, but I still think ASU is full of shit.

5. Heroin.  Tim Montgomery's drug bust led to 289's Photoshop of the week. 

6. Kyle Korver.  Breaking news: White person adored by white people.

7. Underwhelming scoops.  With Leather broke brand-new screen shots of NFL rookies in Madden '08, and no one really cared.  Probably because it was pretty boring.

8. Mermen.  Michael Phelps is lookin' fiiiiiiiine.

9. Stanford's Alicia Folmar.  Easily the photo of the week, not to mention the post with the funniest comments.  A tip of the hat to the sexual predators in the comments section.

10. Will Jones.  Man, I hate fat kids.  Can't we set up camps where they can all concentrate on losing weight?  We could call those places… fat camps.

And now, some closing thoughts on the week:

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