POWER RANKINGS: OHIO AND VICK

07.20.07 11 years ago 18 Comments

Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings?  Well, yes: specifically, preseason power rankings. And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.

1. Scarlett.  One of these weeks I'm gonna shock the world and make something mundane like "Hamburgers" #1.  But not this week.

2. Capable replacements.  Again, thanks much to Skeets and Kevin for allowing me to have some time off.  I was goddam sick of this place.

3. Ohio.  Ohio and Florida, the Vick brothers of American states.  This week Ohio played the role of Michael.  Speaking of…

4. Michael Vick.  Poor Ookie.  That federal indictment is a real "bitch."  Look at me, I'm witty!

5. Oven cleaner.  Tastes… like… burning.  Still better than mayonnaise, however.

6. The mentally handicapped.  They had a big week, from a special-ed teacher sexing a 14-year-old to getting raped by beauty queens.  Perhaps because they party so hard.

7. The SEC.  Home to D-Mac's pimped out Crown Vic and these terrifying Alabamans.  Also, I got an advance copy of Clay Travis's Dixieland Delight, and it is excellent.  I'll have more on this next week, but you can pre-order it at Amazon.

8. The Espys!  They were totally "Now" five days ago.  And With Leather's inside report was more entertaining than the actual show.

9. Chairs.  Sitting on the floor sucks.

10. Pargoria.  The lamest celebrity in recent history got back from their honeymoon.  They played a lot Yahtzee.

Random-assery of the week: in case you missed it on KSK, I present to you something that made me so happy I nearly cried.

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