POWER RANKINGS: PLEASURE MACHINE

08.29.08 9 years ago 4 Comments

I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Barbarella.  No, I’m not a fan of Jane Fonda, even if Craig Sager’s telling the story.  But I can still enjoy the character at an artistic level, you know?  It’s not every movie where the heroine battles a pleasure machine.

2. Ashley Rape.  Congrats on your enrollment at Duke.  Find the right fella to marry there, and he might take YOUR name.

3. Tennis WAGs.  Brooklen Decker and Leryn Franco are in attendance?  Time to get U.S. Open tickets.

4. New names.  Personally, I’d rather be War Machine than Ocho Cinco.  See KSK’s name draft for more ideas.

5. New York Mets.  Not every team can put together a successful hot streak ovulation and stay in first place.

6. Wiffle ball marathon. Final score was 935-514.  Just throwing this out there, maybe there should have been a mercy rule.

7. Miami Dolphins.  Coach Tony Sparano seems like a nice guy.  For a gym teacher.

8. Steroids.  “Sure, I have a little chest acne, but check out my ripped biceps!  No seriously, they were ripped from the bone.”

9. Ohio State Buckeyes.  Welcome back, OSU fans.  I would be nothing without my greatest archenemy.

10. Molotov cocktail baseball.  I’m sorry, a video where someone hits a Molotov cocktail with a bat and ends up in flames deserves a second look.  And third.  And fourth.  Really, I could watch it all day.

Video of the Week:  Looks like we need a little more… [puts on sunglasses] … David CarusoEYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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