Let’s say you’re a complete chucklehead, and you gather up some of your fellow chucklehead friends and decided to pull a home invasion in Las Cruces. There are so many homes out there, though, so it’s tough to pick the right one to break into. Oh, I know, how about the one that doesn’t contain a mixed martial artist, his fiance, his fiance’s sister, and his three-year-old son? Well, nobody told that to four young men, and their altercation with 1-5 (He’s not even that good!) lighweight, Joseph Torrez left one man dead, one in the hospital, and the other two would-be invaders arrested.
According to reports, the incident, which took place on New Year’s Day, stemmed from the sister of Torrez’s fiance and one of the intruders having an altercation on New Year’s Eve. Torrez received a call from one of the men, threatening:
“I’ll kill you and your family … I will go to your house”
Disconcerting, to say the least. Oh, also, one of the dudes had an ankle monitor strapped to his leg at the time of the break-in, so I would strongly argue that these were some unsavory characters. I know, I know, everyone is innocent until proven guilty, and a loss of life should never be celebrated, but on the surface, it looks like Torrez was protecting his family from a passel of terrible folks.
Staying in New Mexico, but keeping things less murdery, fellow MMA lightweight, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone had an incident regarding some attempted truck theft. He tweeted this out a few days ago:
(My favorite response is the guy saying that Cerrone is now on his Christmas card list).
Does this mean “Boat Rage” Cerrone has just invited everyone to his house? Would that include vampires? If a dude does show up and Donald punches his face off (Known as getting himself some, DONALD SUH-ROH-NAY), would that be another misdemeanor, or does it jump up to full blown Cerroneous assault? Though, if you do want to home invade him*, maybe wait for January 25th, when he’ll be fighting at UFC on Fox 10 in Chicago.
* Uproxx does not condone or endorse home invasions. Don’t be a terrible person, don’t invade homes. INVADE SPACE INSTEAD!
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