04.07.10 8 years ago

Life is rough for the Brewers racing Italian sausage. When not getting beaten in the head with a bat by a member of the Pittsburgh Pirates, it’s getting run down by police motorcycles. As part of the annual home opener festivities, the racing sausages run from the Klements sausage factory to Miller Park, because streets teeming with giant sausage is every Midwesterner’s dream come true.

But this year it took a turn for the hilarious when the Eyetie sausage got its smelly dago face knocked to the pavement by a police motorcycle. The local news was all over it to make sure the hero officer received the acclaim he so richly deserves. I guess he’s like the equivalent to Teddy Roosevelt in the Nationals Presidents Race. Instead of never winning, he’s subjected to constant bouts of horrific violence. And he has an overbearing mother who won’t let him leave the table until he finishes all five plates of pancetta.

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