It was bound to happen. As we’ve watched Kate Upton’s meteoric rise to success as a back-to-back Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model and, much more importantly, a woman who floated in zero gravity while wearing a bikini, it was only a matter of time before some regular dude came forward and admitted that he dated Upton in high school. Obviously, there are probably some 21-year old Florida bros who kind of knew Upton in high school, but would any of them have the photographic evidence to back up their claims that they “totally hit that, bro”? Not likely. But there is one guy who does at least have a picture, and his name is “coolsexguy420boner.”
“That Was Sure Quick” UPDATE: See, what happens is that even the dumbest prank on the Internet can get a lot of attention, and then the guy behind it gets to admit that he made it up, because people will start snooping and whatnot. Have you no honor, coolsexguy420boner?
Last night, the Redditor in question got the Internet’s front page stirring with his claims that he once “dated” Upton “for a few weeks” in high school, when they were students together at Holy Trinity. However, he says that the relationship was doomed from the start because of her very religious parents, who made it “impossible” for him to “get close with her” and “get a real connection.” I’ll bet you would have liked a real connection with Kate Upton, coolsexguy420boner.
As for her parents, I’m sure they’ve had a far less worrisome time with the fact that Upton is now dating Justin Verlander and his nine-figure salary, and the Detroit Tigers ace probably doesn’t have to be concerned with Upton suddenly remembering her deep love for the guy who says he was her date to homecoming in 2007. But is coolsexguy420boner really telling the truth? A quick look through his few comments on this thread seems to suggest that he’s pretty nonchalant about all of it and not at all defensive.
Only a novice would have suggested that he “banged” her, and a much wiser con artist would have underplayed the relationship, just as coolsexguy420boner did in these responses. Alas, not everyone is buying this story. Naysayers on the Internet? Why I never!
Way to really drive home the point by using the F-word. Cool lingo, bro bro. Can anyone at least provide a scientific theory as to why a guy with the handle coolsexguy420boner is full of crap?
Thank you. So what kind of proof did coolsexguy420boner offer beyond a picture, especially in the face of all these strong points against him?
Yeah, he just kind of vanished. Maybe Upton showed up at his door, and they’re finally finishing what they started four years ago, like Josh Hartnett and that girl with the name I can’t spell in that movie about abstinence. Or maybe he’s just full of crap, and is still about to be an Internet star for a day because of it.
Gee, thanks. Wait, before we wrap this up, does anyone want to remind us that Upton’s not that hot?
There we go. I just wanted to make sure that every aspect of a good Kate Upton story was properly covered.
(H/T to Daily Dot)