Cristiano Ronaldo is 23 years old, the best player on arguably the best pro soccer team in the world, fabulously wealthy, better looking than you, and completely unapologetic about employing hookers whenever he damn well wants. Oh, and now he's dating a Spanish model named Nereida Gallardo.
A friend of the goal-scoring sensation confirmed: "A player asked Cristiano about the kisses he'd been blowing and he admitted he's got a new girl. Ronny's pretty smitten." […]
Ronaldo, who once dated jungle babe Gemma Atkinson, has been seeing Nereida since January. He flies the raven-haired pin-up from her home in Majorca to watch him in action for [Manchester] United. The pal explained: "She's at most of the games with Ronaldo's cousin, Nuno. People wrongly assumed she was with him."
Whatever, I bet that dumbass can't even put together an Excel spreadsheet. Winner: you.