Run For Your Life, Soccer Ref

I always love to say that I hate soccer and my defense is mostly that I can’t respect a sport in which athletes don’t use their hands, but in reality I’m just joking. Soccer is just really boring. But what I ultimately love about soccer – especially on foreign planets like South America and Europe – is the fiery passion that leads so many of the athletes to attack their opponents. What I love even more is when we find clips with no descriptions so I don’t have to pretend like I know what’s going on.

For instance, in a recent game in Brazil between two unnamed teams and featuring players that might as well not have names, a referee made a call that a player disagreed with. The player reacted inappropriately by grabbing the refs arm and the ref responded awesomely by slapping the player in the eye. Now we know that the consequence of an official attacking a player is both teams chasing him around the field while jump-kicking him. And I can readily admit that my description does no justice to the actual footage after the jump…

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Forgive me as my Portuguese is a bit Rusty, but I believe that the person analyzing this footage is saying the following:

“Now the player grabs the ref’s arm and… BAM! The ref pops him in the eye! Did the player actually flop from being hit by the ref? We may never know because now both teams are ganging up on the ref. Now the ref is running! Get him! Get him! Kick him with your feet! Jump kick! Jump kick! Don’t bother trying to punch him, remain consistent with the general stereotype of our beloved sport! If this was real Brazilian soccer, he’d be dead from 70 bullets already! Hooray, soccer!”

Disclaimer: I have no idea if that was Portuguese or even Brazilian, and I’m certain that the Portuguese on the banner image is wrong.

Thanks to Brazilian waxing specialist Robopanda for the tip.

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