Russell Branyan Loses Fight to Table

07.16.10 7 years ago

Party Otter is the perfect wingman for Russell Branyan.

It seems like there’s an odd baseball injury every other day, and this time the victim is Russell Branyan of the Seattle Mariners. Russell was hanging out in his hotel room, minding his own business, when he was mauled by a table in his hotel room. The tabled injured his toe so badly that he was kept out of the Mariners’ game on Thursday.

Russell Branyan had a moment like that early Thursday morning. Branyan, who was just re-acquired by the Seattle Mariners in a trade a few weeks ago, was left out of the Mariners lineup on Thursday night because of a bad toe. A toe that was allegedly the victim of a vicious attack from a hotel room table.

According to his manager, Don Wakamatsu, Branyan went to close the curtains in his hotel room at 5 a.m. this morning when the table unleashed its attack. The table toppled over and landed on Branyan’s toe, cutting it and bruising it before making off with Branyan’s wallet.

Or more likely until Branyan said a naughty word, hopped around for a second and picked the table back up. –MLB Fanhouse

That table must have been made by a pretty piss poor carpenter if it’s just falling over for no reason. I’ve always hated hotel furniture. The chairs they put in your room are never comfortable. Not to mention they always tuck the sheets in too tightly. Hotel staffing is terrible. In an unrelated story, tenements used to house over 10 people in windowless rooms.

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