MLB – After sitting on 599 homers since May 31, Ken Griffey Jr. launched no. 600 in the 1st inning of last night's game in front of a dozen or so people at Dolphin Stadium to join Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Babe Ruth and Willie Mays in the exclusive 600 Club, which is a lot less scary and religious than the 700 Club. How's it feel to be the only Vanilla Face in the club you started, Great Bambino? What? You'll tell me after you put a cigar out on my crotch? Hokay. Awful Announcing comes through with video of the historic blast.
In other non-historic home run related news, the White Sox won their 7th in a row by completing a 4-game sweep over the Twinkies, galvinized by Ozzie Guillen saying some stupid shit the other week. Way to enable him, fellas…Benches cleared in Pittsburgh during the Bucs 5-3 win over the D-Backs when Randy Johnson took a few imposing steps toward Doug Mientkiewicz after the Pirate stepped out of the box a few too many times. "He's intense, I'm intense, and it probably didn't help that it was 1,000 degrees out there," Mientkiewicz said, the flesh dripping from his body…Evan Longoria, Willy Aybar and Dioner Navarro hit the first back-to-back-to-back homers in Rays' history in Tampa's 13-4 win over the Angels. Wait, those are marginally historic homers! My transition, ruined!
NBA – Gilbert Arenas opted out of the final year of his contract with the Wizards to the surprise of all his online Halo buddies. Gilbert apparently wants more money to get injured and miss 50 or 60 games a year.
EURO 2008 – Dutch trip up the flopping Italian assholes 3-0. A quick lesson when insulting Italians: Vaffanculo means literally "Go fuck yourself in the ass." Don't tell them to do something they'll enjoy. Find other insults.