Listen, people. I know you think you're tough. You may have grown up in a rough neighborhood. You may have gotten into some nasty fights, maybe had a couple brushes with the law, spent some time in juvie. But nothing — and I mean nothing — can prepare you for the skate park. That place is dangerous, and I don't want you going around there any more. Those kids are fucking roughnecks.
p.s. Because nothing's too good for my dulcet readers, there's extra-hilarious slo-mo after the jump. #1 Cubs fan sounds like a wounded animal on the Serengeti.
(Thanks to hunky gay friend Lance for the heads-up.)