Above is the conversation that Patrick Green of San Antonio had with Sean Beligian of WDFN 1130AM discussing his outrage at the Detroit Red Wings and their fans for disrespecting dead octopi. Oh yes, he's quite serious. And don't call him Shirley.
I didn't see the text of the angry letter he sent to the Red Wings anywhere besides The World of Isaac, so there's no way to know who's to blame for the suspect spelling. Humorless kooks and bloggers often share a shaky grasp of 8th grade language skills. [Update: blame the humorless kook] Here goes:
As a citizen of the United States, I consider the octopus tradition as a sign of degenerate minds. It is disgusting and turns my stomache. The natural environment of the octopus is the ocean. The reason for its capture by fishermen is for human consumption only, not human playtime. To use the body of an octopus in such a manner is to devalue the animal kingdom. If the National Hockey League's policy was to win only 4 games, would fans toss the bodies of dogs and cats on the ice, since they only have four legs?
An animal is an animal. Noone owns the ocean. Noone owns the octopus. It is every persons responsibility to protect animals who are being shown extreme disrespect. It is my intention, if the Animal Control Division fails to send me a written promise to begin voluntarily to vigorously enforce the Detroit City Code, to file a lawsuit against them. My intention is to have a court issue an order to force the Animal Control Division to do its job.
If I do not receive a response to this letter by Friday June 6, 2008, via my e-mail address of [redacted] I will file the lawsuit, against the Animal Control Division and the Detroit Red Wings, for their complicity in this crime.
So he's trying to force them to voluntarily enforce the city code? Is this guy somebody's wife? "I want you to want to do the dishes!" Fuck him. Fuck him right in his self-righteous fish-fucking pants.