Stay Away from Juan Uribe’s Jeep

10.16.06 11 years ago

Ah, the Dominican Republic. Nothing like spending one's winter offseason in the rustic, tropical country. White Sox shortstop Juan Uribe definitely feels that way. Just, um, please step away from his vehicle, or you might get shot: 

Uribe and his brother, Elipidio, thought that the victims walked too close to their jeep, according to a police report.

Well, the two guys that they shot were at least threatening, right? 

Dondolin Alessandro, a captain in the Italian Navy, suffered wounds to his stomach and hands. Antonio Gonzalez Perez, a farmer who tried to intervene, suffered a left-elbow injury but was treated and released.


I've worked with the Italian military before, and believe me, those guys are the least threatening people around. They spend way more time manicuring their facial hair and wearing designer glasses than they do training for war. Although if Uribe was afraid that douchiness was contagious, then I can understand why he opened fire. And let us all learn from the farmer's mistake: NEVER intervene when douchebags are getting shot. 

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